Friday, April 15, 2011

Well after waiting five days in Delhi for T's article 23 letter to be issued we found out that the Embassy had not even sent her papers over. Our visa interview was on Monday, granted there were 2 holidays this week but still  the papers had not been sent. Luckily our friends who were also trying to get their article 23 encouraged us to go down to the office with them. The office - hard to find but luckily our friend's driver found it! Good thing we went there when we did, it was then that we found out that they hadn't received any paperwork. I burst into tears. The very nice Indian lady started to say " don't cry, don't panic, everything has a solution, don't cry over a piece of paper, take a chill pill--she said more but I was so distraught. I woke up this morning feeling sick, Mike was sick the day before and we miss our other daughter a lot so feeling like we couldn't leave was very overwhelming. Our friends were so kind they stayed with us and helped us through the paperwork issues and brainstorming on what to do and who to call. I am so appreciative of their help throughout this trip and especially today. The Indian lady returned to tell us that the Embassy was sending someone to deliver all the paperwork. We then had a lovely chat about adoption she was very kind and encouraging. An hour went by, still nothing we continued to wait and sit in this small room anxiously waiting to hear of our paperwork arrival. Some time later she came out and said why dont' you go back to your hotel get some lunch and then return--first i can't eat I'm feeling like I'm going to puke, second what if this guy doesn't show up with our paperwork. We took her advice I went back and retrieved our court order from our room safe, texted our caseworker frantically- poor thing it was 1 am for her. Mike returned with all of the needed papers/info but the man from the embassy did show up and our papers were being processed! Mike then had to go to the embassy- which requires securtiy checks etc. and he retrieved our daughter's visa packet!  So we can board the first of many flights home! If all goes as planned we will be touching down in the US Sunday! I've really enjoyed our time in India but I'm so excited to see our family. Thanks for sharing in this amazing journey with us.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Medical exams, visas and such

Going to the hospital in Delhi is quite an experience in and of itself. The clinic was located in a newer part of town and was pleasantly nice. However it was so crowded you could hardly find room to sit, stand or walk without brushing elbows with at least 3 people. I am actually getting used to this close proximity with others as most of the time when you are out and about in India you always have plenty of company. Thank goodness everyone is kind. We have received inquisitive looks but they are out of curiosity and not disdain. Even with the lack of routine and order with driving no one seems to get upset, people have a relaxed disposition here. People are genuinely kind and helpful. The doctor was kind and the he ticked the boxes of the paperwork needed for the medical report and then the bad news: our girl required 5 shots. They won’t allow waivers to be signed so if we want to bring her to the US she has to get these shots. I watched the nurse prepare each shot. The true nurse in me came out, I reviewed each package and vial. After each shot the needle was jabbed into the mattress- who knows how long this mattress has been there and how many holes it already has in it. Hopefully the needles are disposable but I have a gut feeling they aren’t. We waited for our medical packet to be processed. Each time we checked in we were given another timeframe for it to be finished in. We decided to venture out and see some of south Delhi’s sights. We visited the Lotus temple and the Qutb Minar. They were both beautiful. When we returned our packet was ready. We settled in for the night as all of the travel was catching up with us.





The next day we laid low as our daughter was not feeling well after her shots. Later in the day we went to an Indian family’s home with our friends to learn how to cook and have an authentic Indian dinner. They run Delhi bed and breakfast and they also offer cooking lessons. Their home was beautiful, relaxing and inviting. As we sipped our tea we discussed what we would prepare for dinner. We then visited the local market. There were many stalls and vendors. This is where all of the ingredients would be purchased from for our dinner. Everything from wheat, vegetables, spices and even the poultry butcher shop was located here. Our hosts explained that this market was one that you could find most anything at. We saw vendors selling saris, street food, jewelry, medicine as well as many services one would need. This excursion was a lot of fun, it was a glimpse into what everyday life is like for some of the locals. Needless to say we were the only tourists.





We returned to the house and then we were instructed on how to make each dish. We prepared a vegetable curry, aloo ghobi, a chickpea recipe and a spicy dry curry chicken dish. We also were able to make roti, a whole wheat Indian bread. I must say the dinner was flavorful and spicy, perhaps the best food of the trip. The evening was really enjoyable as the hosts were very warm and inviting. She walked us through the preparation of each meal and answered our questions regarding Indian food, the spices and regional cuisines. We really enjoyed the company of our friends and they made this evening such a delightful experience.








Next we will go to the US Embassy and apply for our girl's visa and then we will wait for the article 23 letter to be issued. Then we will head home! Thank you for all of your kind and warm comments they have been so encouraging and we appreciate all of the prayers and support!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

First few days....

We tried to lay low and bond with our sweet girl in the days following her union with us. We did go on two touring walks with the company Calcutta walks. Both mornings we went out and learned about the history of the city and saw the daily lives of the residents unfold. Our girl seemed to enjoy the outings and we enjoyed holding her. On Friday we met up with our friends who were also in town adopting their son. They joined us for the confluence of culture walk where we discovered the many other cultures that call Calcutta their home apart from Bengalis. This tour was so much fun! There were so many sights and sounds to take in. Calcutta is a city of 18 million and its population is dense. It is not as spread out as some of the bigger cities in India are. I loved taking it all in.






fresh coconut water











Try walking the Bengali way--so crowded!



We are off to Delhi to finish up our immigration process for our daughter. We have to have a medical appointment and a visa interview. Then we wait for a certificate to be issued which is estimated to take a few business days. After all of that is complete we can head home! Everyday our daughter is growing more comfortable with us. She is very happy and very loud! She is going to fit right in with our older daughter! She loves to babble and squeal. Her infectious laugh and curly hair make her irresistible; it’s hard to put her down. She is tiny, weighing just about 12 pounds. The 6 month clothing I brought for her is soo big. Most of it falls right off. I would have never guessed a 14 month old would be wearing 3 month old clothes. She can stand and take a few steps when holding onto her crib. We have quickly learned what she doesn’t like. She doesn’t like to have her diaper changed or clothes changed but most of all she becomes frenetic if you try and take her bottle away if it’s not completely empty. She is teething and I can see about four teeth waiting to burst through at any moment.


She has already filled our lives full with joy and we are so excited for her to meet her sister. Thank you for all of your encouraging and heartfelt comments. They mean so much to us. This has been an incredible journey and we are thrilled to be a family of four!


Monday, April 11, 2011

Where am I?

Our first full day with our new daughter has been incredible. We are getting to know one another. Yesterday she was quite tense and unsure. I can only imagine what she is feeling. I am sure she is wondering where am I? For 14 months she has lived at the orphanage. She has not been exposed to the outside world, crowds of people, air conditioning and such. She has always been surrounded by other babies and has been on a structured routine. We have created chaos in her world and have changed everything she has known as safe into uncertainty. She has moments of timidness but she has also warmed our hearts with her smile and soothed our souls with her infectious laugh. Its so amazing to watch her with wonder as she plays with her ladybug and teethes on her elephant. New textures, sights, sounds, routines her world has been transformed. I hope the grief of relinquishing her past does not linger but I hope we can fill her life with comfort, love and joy.

On a side note our other daughter is having so much fun spending time with cousins, friends, aunts/uncles and grandparents. She walked in the Pear Blossom 1 mile route with some good friends! We miss her greatly but as you can tell from theese pics, she hasn't skipped a beat.


Gotcha Day

As I lay awake at 3 in the morning my mind spins with questions and wonders how this day will unfold? Will our daughter like us? Will she be happy or sad to see our strange faces peering into hers? Will she reject our touch? Will she be inconsolable leaving the only home she has ever known? What does she like to eat? How does she like to be held? How do her caregivers soothe her when she is upset? What makes her laugh? Is her temperament mild or wild? How will she adjust to this new world we are introducing her too? Will she stop eating? Will she get constipated? Will she get sick? How long will her grieving last? These are all things are caseworker reviewed with us before we left that could transpire in the first few days of her new life. One more question….will I be able to recognize her? The last photos I received were in November almost 6 months ago. My heart races and my mind spins with anticipation of our first meeting. Thank goodness I’ve arranged a tour of Kolkata this morning as we are not able to go to the orphanage until late afternoon.


We start our tour with a glimpse into my past. I know very little about the first few months of my life. My parents told me that I was adopted at a very young age. For as long as I could remember I’ve known. They told me that my birth mother wanted to give me opportunities, ones that she may not have been able to provide. She knew that my parents longed for a little girl and so she did the most selfless act and relinquished me. My parents told me that she did this out of love not abandonment. As I am learning more about the process of adoption in India and the cultural implications surrounding pregnancy outside of marriage I know there must have been a number of reasons my mother gave me away at birth. I have chosen to believe it was out of love and not due to poverty, despair or lack of choice to keep me. I was told I was born at the Sree Krishna nursing home in Kolkata, a place where women can go and deliver their babies. Some women who are not able to care for their babies leave their babies and then charitable organizations come around and pick the abandoned babies up. I was taken to the International Mission of Hope and was cared for there until my departure for the US. The early years of IMH (late 70s early 80s) was housed in a small building and then IMH was moved to a larger facility to accommodate more babies and children. The latter of the two is mostly recognized and associated with IMH. The facility I was in is less known and therefore required some time and help from the locals to find. Our driver and guide were unsure if they could find this address. As we traveled down the main portion of road we could not find it. We stopped and our guide asked a local rickshaw driver if he knew of the address. The two men were speaking Bengali back and forth and gesturing. We soon discovered that we needed to take a side road to get to our destination. Our car barely fit down the road due to road construction. We arrived at an even smaller section of the road flanked with multilevel buildings. We had to exit our vehicle as we now needed to search on foot. An older man peered off of his deck on the fourth story of the building and our guide spoke to him and told him what we were in search of. His face smiled with enthusiasm as he recalled an orphanage once a long time ago at the end of his street. I don’t know what was said between the two men but I could sense an amazement and genuine surprise that once a baby who lived at the end of his street now stood before him. I gave him the biggest smile I could, clasped my hands together and bowed my head to show my thanks.



We walked towards the end of the path. Neighbors emerged from their homes to inquire about us and our guide explained once again our quest. They pointed to the last building at the end of the road, this was it. Tears filled my eyes. This is where I spent my time in India, where I fought to survive and where I was given nourishment, love and care. This building represented hope and the beginning of a second chance. The neighbors, driver and guide all saw the emotion on my face. I couldn’t hold back my tears. I will never be able to find my birth parents as limited records were kept at that time and this is the closet I will come to seeing how my life began. I was soon greeted by a young man with an astonished grin. This was the gentleman who now lived in the building. He was gracious enough to invite us in.

As we walked into the building my sobbing continued. The gentleman told me not to cry and proceeded to tell me about the memories that his family had of the orphanage. His brother used to spend time there playing with the children when he was a boy. His mother had many memories but sadly has passed from this world. He told me about the history of the building and went to the trouble of calling his brother who now lives in Australia. His brother has since phoned me and has shared his memories with me. They were both so kind and gracious and I’ll be forever grateful for their time and generosity. Mike and I were talking about how in the US if someone came knocking at the door the story might have had a different outcome. We took photographs and video and expressed our gratitude to this kind man for allowing us to interrupt his morning and take up his time. He offered us to stay and have coffee and although we would have loved to accept his offer but the time for the day was limited. This was such a powerful experience for me and I have gained clarity and insight into my past because of this occasion.


 
We then drove to the north end of the city and walked through a pocket of town where people make statues with straw and clay. The finished product is quite elaborate with having not used any tools. Our guide then took us to a sweet shop to purchase Bengali sweets for the caretakers at our daughter’s orphanage. Our guide went above and beyond and he works for a company called Calcutta walks for those of you who will be visiting Calcutta. We visited marble palace, Tagore’s home, college street, and the Indian coffee house all of which were incredible.







The second most incredible event of this epic gotcha day was walking into the clinic where my mother gave birth to me. Again we needed the help from many locals to locate this clinic.  In fact from the front of the street there was just a plain façade with not a lot of detail, the entrance and sign was located in the alley way on the side of the street. The address was a little deceiving in this way. I couldn’t believe it, here I was walking through the same doorway as my mother did so many years ago. We walked up the stairs and entered in to this cramped waiting room. Many women sat all crowded around a small tv playing Indian soap operas as they waited to be examined. I immediately was greeted with piercing stares.  The air was thick and muggy and I couldn’t help myself but think about each woman that has entered this clinic’s doors and their unique story that followed them. We were ushered into the office and immediately we were asked about our presence and purpose of being there. Again no one spoke much English and so our guide informed the woman why we were there. Her eyes grew wide and they looked me up and down, her hand clenched her mouth and then a soft smile emerged. She remembered IMH and the babies they rescued. She confirmed that this very clinic was open and running all those years ago.  She was shocked and amazed by my presence and offered me answers to all of my questions via the translator. She said with regrets that the doctor was not in at the moment. She allowed me with great hesitation to see the birthing rooms and the OR. I will not go into much detail as to what I saw as I realize it was with great privilege that I was allowed to even have a glimpse. What I will say is, my mind was heavy with what must have taken place all those years ago as I was brought into this world. I may not ever meet or know anything about my birth mother but for a small moment in time I could retrace her footsteps in this building.


When we returned to our hotel our hearts and minds were heavy with emotions and we knew this was only the beginning. After phoning the orphanage director she encouraged us to come right away. We hopped into the car after grabbing our cameras, paperwork and donations for the orphanage. During the drive there we were both giddy with excitement that this moment has finally arrived. We were going to get our girl! The questions from this morning began swirling in my mind again. We arrived and I’m not sure how my feet carried me up the stairs and into the director’s office as I was so excited to be there. I know I must have rambled on and on and given way too many hugs. The only Bengali word that I tried to learn prior to our arrival at the orphanage was thank you. However everyone including our driver and the employees at the pharmacy where I purchased the formula and medicine laughed hysterically at my attempts to speak Bengali. It followed suit at the orphanage. After going over paperwork, reviewing details about our girl and her schedule we were allowed to meet her.



I will never forget turning the corner and seeing her little face looking at me with her big brown eyes framed so perfectly with her curly black hair. She was standing up in her crib wearing a red t-shirt and a light peach coverall. Her hair had been combed and her ayah (caregiver) was standing by her side. The caregiver was smiling and our girl just looked at me with wonder and complexity as I grew closer. She did not cry but looked like she wanted to. As I picked her up her lower lip puckered but she held back her tears. Her ayah began saying, “mommy, this is your mommy, go to your mommy”. My arms picked up this tiny being and I went to kiss her. She was rigid and hesitant but allowed me to love on her. I don’t remember much of what was said next, I began asking her ayah questions about our girl, my husband took photos and videos. She then allowed Mike to hold her and love on her. We were concerned about this as the babies don’t spend much time around men. We continued to hold her and stare at her. Her ayah began to cry. She kissed me on the cheek and said, “this is our daughter”. I could tell she had formed a close bond with her. We exchanged words and I promised her I would take good care of our baby and love her. We told her about our older daughter and proudly showed photos of her. They seemed to enjoy the fact that she would have a sister. We admired the other children in the room- oh they were all so adorable and full of personality. We then visited the adjacent room where younger babies stayed. We did not visit the second orphanage location that houses the premies and special needs children as it was late in the afternoon. The sponsorship for formula and medicine supplied to the orphanage were gladly received with much thanks. I could see such gratitude on the director’s face as one of the greatest needs is for milk to feed the babies. We said our thanks, exchanged our feelings of appreciation and received laughs from our broken Bengali and loaded into the car with our precious girl. The drive back to the hotel was splendid. Mike and I kept looking at her with wonder and amazement. As my parents used to say to me, I now can say to my daughter, “I’m glad I gotcha”.